Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
