i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
