gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
