I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
