just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize