as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
