I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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