to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
where am i from again
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
