He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
