why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
