I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
