The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
