Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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