he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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