guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Your dad touched me again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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