i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
