I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
