I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
