I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
