i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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