So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
