I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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