i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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