I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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