I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
