I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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