you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
