Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
