her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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