There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
