I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
