She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
