I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
