Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
