We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize