this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
