Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The air was thick with penises
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
