tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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