He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm too high and old for this...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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