So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
