My hair reeks of homosexuality.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My cat gives me a boner
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
