You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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