got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
