You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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