Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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