You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
