it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize