Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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