its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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