yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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