About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
