All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
