dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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