singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
