Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
