SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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