I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize