You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
