It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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