someone threw a dead crab at me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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