it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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