she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
