Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
