Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
