I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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