I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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