At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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