how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
