If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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