Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
