someone threw a dead crab at me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
