You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize