a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
