If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have aggressive nipples.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
