I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
