i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
