I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
