In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
