i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize