i don't plan on having that self control this summer
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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