He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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