Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
