can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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