i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
