i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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